2014

01 "I Would If I Couldn't"

such a long never-ending train running through my head
it’s all the same, just another day
there’s pouring rain running through my veins

so I’ll sit back and watch it fade to black
with all the things that I’ll never have
from a plane it looks like nothings left
just an empty bed

and black cement and dead leaves
on the fallen trees
all we are is scattered seeds
inside the hives with the dying bees

she’ll say “please believe me!”

well I would if I couldn’t ever love again
I miss the ocean my oldest friend
now you can’t remember anything you did

or everything you said
what does forever mean - who cares
when you’re falling down the stairs
thought I was dead you said "I woke up scared"

In a hall of mirrors with a hollow stare
I can hardly tell that I’m hardly here
can you hear these bells ringing in my ears?

she’ll say “please answer me!”

everyone was invited but nobody came
she has this problem with lying about everything

now we’re down on the carpet looking for her ring
she said that she dropped it with a smile and a wink
we can tell she's been crying, which isn’t surprising
said it was her great great grandfathers from 1863
and that he died in the raid that brought our town to it’s knees
and she whispered so softly “these dreams must mean something”
you mean the one where I’m falling from the sky to the sea?
or the one where I’m floating over my own body?
our eyes never stop growing so why’s it so hard to see
exactly where we are going, stop falling asleep

hey priest, man you're cut deep
what do we do now?
the others went for help
I wish that I knew how

02 "75 Degrees"

I think I see some light at the end of the tunnel
alive at least, sliding around this funnel
please baby please, say that you’ll always love me
the sand under our feet, the suns just a spotlight for your body
where do you think we go when we leave?
start all over again, rows of sharks teeth

it’s been 75 degrees every day now for weeks
it puts my mind at ease, replanted palm trees
please baby please, say that you’ll always need me
we’re almost on our feet, the sun loves to kiss your body
where do you think we go when we leave?
and all our memories, rows of sharks teeth

who do you miss the most?
I guess it’s hard to say
I guess it’s hard to know
who you miss the most
I guess it’s cruel to say
I guess it’s hard to know
well alright we’ll be ok
I thought I heard you say
"alright we’ll be ok"
such a slow parade
alright we’ll be ok
in the pouring rain
alright we’ll be ok

03 "Dear Life"

save your breath
cause it’s all you really have
ever wonder why things changed over night?

smokey lungs
never needed any love from anyone
just a bum needing a ride

brace yourself
cause it’s a long tunnel slide
hold on to the sides for dear life

mr. know it all
I bet you know which way you fall
down in the gutter
you think that’s cool?
surrounded by fools
not fooling anyone but you

strangers eyes
blank sad and angry pass me by
try to hide whatever’s in mine

she said “keep in mind
that you’re not from this place
everything changed when they drained the trash out of the lake”

well that’s an old mistake
history’s not some friend you made
playing charades in you crazy college days

it’s a razor blade
and all the cuts it made
they fade

still ghosts chase you around
the graveyard in yourself
and what do you say now
about your home town?

raised in the suburbs
where all the lovers
become worried mothers
and bored to death fathers

but the trees still turn colors, baby
bright orange and yellow fading
a million reasons you wanted to move
said you wouldn't miss the seasons
but now you do

04 "Maureen"

Maureen she knows
when it’s time to go home
she said “we’re not alone anymore”
and I truly believe
that she’s right
part of the time
through my blurry stormy eyes
and my cloudy mind
Maureen she breathes
soft and slowly
she whispers in her sleep
about her dreams
and it takes me back
to the fact
that we’re floating
in dark blue and black and red and green
Maureen she dreams
that it’s snowing
as the winds release
the dandelion seeds
I dream of seas of wheat
and the golden waves
I look back to see
I’m still who I will always be

Maureen believes
that we’re changing
she looks at me
like she’s never seen a ghost
I guess it goes to show
shadows slowly rearranging
the people and the places
that we know
Maureen reads to me
while I’m driving
through the desert
down in nowhere New Mexico
only one way to go
we both know without talking
and the cats finally fell
all the way to sleep
Maureen is awake
daydreaming
as the evening creeps in
before our eyes
the roads a straight line
until the mountain range
a ghost plane hangs high
in the grey blue sky
stop for the night
Maureen I think you’re right
to laugh about our past
Maureen and I
laugh at whatever
crosses our path

05 "Golden Mean"

There’s no streetlights on this stretch of road
from the side it looks like her eyes are closed
and I don’t know about this anymore
crawling toward a dark green forest
it’s hard to see what’s inside of me
forcing apologies
well I’m sorry about New Years Eve
I’m sorry about so many other things

I pull her heart strings like her bikini top
she walks away she lets it drop
but she won't say stop she falls into my arms
she only covers up cause her hair is so long

but it feels like the first time I’ve ever opened my eyes

they say love is blind and I said no it’s not
if there is no time then why won’t it stop
or at least slow down until the end when it folds
water laced with pills to fill our empty molds

straight razor blade
shave off the lion’s mane
you think that’d keep him tame?
she’s only seen in the golden mean
you’d think that'd make her want to stay

whatever we do
i’ll wait for you

06 "The Shark"

You kiss with your eyes open, love
turn away from my touch
from the street she’s watching we’re hoping
that she’s in love with both of us
well things go unspoken
like her skin looks so soft
the light blue of the ocean
washed out golden of the sun
wish I could watch her in slow motion
wash the salt from my tongue
god you love commotion
I bet you were lying about the shark
he wished he would have died there
to save his broken heart
to save us all

you sleep with your eyes open, love
I haven’t slept for days
and I know your dad said something
I can see it in your face
did he say that I was selfish
with my womanizing ways?
did he say that I was nothing
just a rocky island maze?
and your mom said you’re only faithful
cause you’re too lazy to change
remember when you told me
everyday felt the same?
and you wish that you would have died there
in that rocky island grave
to save yourself

now you swim with your eyes open, love
she thinks you’re still alive
at the bottom of the ocean
in the middle of the night
I watch her sleeping
wishing she was mine
and I ask her how she’s feeling
and she starts to cry
she looks up at the ceiling
and I undress her with my eyes
see I’m only good at stealing
and wasting your time
I know that she blames me
and you know why
you know why

Now my eyes are wide open
but I can’t see it yet
that we’ll all end up broken
and deserve what we get
such deep devotion
such shallow concepts
such crazy emotion
is what we’ve come to expect
you yell “let’s drink the ocean
I heard it’s good for your soul”
I’ve seen so many sunsets
starts to make me feel old
in the middle of my life
at the end of the world

07 "Picking Apples"

The undertow
swept me away
and I’ll wait forever
forever’s too late
and I’m a tornado
from the Great Plains
where mosquitoes
drown in pesticide rain

what do you want from me?
I’ll ask myself in the mirror
that hangs over the sink
just to think that we’re here
where there isn’t a there
a couple years, dear
the wind through your hair

I don’t want to let you down

say that love me
one more time
baby, say that you love me
one more time
and I know sometimes
it’s so hard to find
and they’re picking apples
on the bay point line
and she’s picking flowers
that match the color of her eyes
in the shadows of statues
that are frozen inside
I’m in the shadows of buildings
turn the day into night
in the shadow of my mind
watching clips of my life

I don’t want to let you down

you go to sleep
knowing the morning won’t come
the morning won’t come
how do you go to sleep
knowing the morning won’t come
the morning won’t come?
and I picture you waving goodbye
and I know what you wanted to say
I picture you waving goodbye
and I know what you were trying to say

08 "High Hopes"

I was born in California with a fire in my heart
they told me it would burn everything I’d ever love
Atlanta Georgia made a man out of me
watching a kid kill a snake under the dogwood tree
I heard some years later that he died in his sleep
I thought that was pretty lucky considering everything

I loved his younger sister she was older then me
a kind of trouble that I’d never seen
we got married in the summer falling asleep
she was pregnant by the winter
we got divorced in the spring

so let go, let it go, you’d never know if I let go

so I moved to Kansas City before it rose from the dead
swept up the ashes of my heart burned the sheets of my bed
but I knew she’d come and find me and that’s exactly what she did
she said that she still loved me but she was still with him
and I wish that I felt nothing or at least put up a fight
I’m that snake’s severed head eyes cubes of ice
and I let her touch me it’s disgusting I know
and I let her kiss me her lips soft as smoke
I felt like I was doing something bitter to him
a man I hardly knew the father of my kid
but I knew that’s what she wanted it wasn't hard to tell
she hated everyone but no one as much as herself

I heard she got remarried she found jesus and had more kids
none of them will ever know how insane she really is
I guess it’s kind of funny in the darkest parts
that kid with a shovel born without a heart

so let go, let it go, we had such high hopes, such high hopes

driving through the desert back to the coast
I saw a skeleton of a wolf on the side of the road
and a couple miles later I saw a pack around a ghost
they looked at me like they loved me and said “welcome home”
well it’s not too much further across the mountain range of teeth
from the top we could watch the ocean breathe underneath
the desert begs for water and the sunsets dripping blood
our past trails behind us in a golden cloud of dust

09 "Far Away"

Can your heart take the weight
of this heart that will never break
it just keeps filling up, baby
sometimes with love sometimes with lust
sometimes so full that it could crush
or get anything it wants

I’m not saying I don’t miss you
I’m not saying I don’t care
but sometimes I am careless
sometimes I’m scared

what would you do if my heart
blew up in your face
or if it poured out my eyes, darling
would you be surprised would you say “the truth”
would you say “I already knew
cause I’m just like you”

would you say that you’re sorry that you kissed me
the first night that we met
would you say you were looking for something
that you didn’t get

well don’t forget how we took off our clothes
don’t forget how we slept so close
promises are only as strong as our bones
they break helplessly but they heal on they’re own
you’re so far away when I need you the most
and I’m so far away